To Be Invisible

In the years since my diagnosis, Deb and I have talked frequently about her cousin Suzie. In the mid-1950s, when she was in her late teens, Suzie was diagnosed with a progressive form of MS, and the constant progression of her symptoms curtailed any plans she had for attending college and enjoying a career. Instead, she spent much of her life confined to a manual wheelchair and isolated in her own home. By the time…
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It’s True; I don’t remember

These days my conversations with Deb are sprinkled with the phrase, “I don’t remember.” It’s true; I don’t remember. I repeat things in my head: “Dinner’s at six; Dinner’s at six; Dinner’s at six; Dinner’s at six” or “Remember to ask about…; Remember to ask about…; Remember to ask about…” I do remember that my grandmother retreated into herself because she couldn’t hold a reasonable conversation with anyone else. She was a drunk. For years…
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I Remember

In my imagination I have forgotten my password. This happens all the time; I lose my passwords every day. As a matter of fact, I lose them several times a day. I am the only person I know who loses her passwords as much as I do. It’s sad, really, that I can’t get into the discussion boards I value so much, places where I have so many friends, people I love, people who love…
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I am Sad

I have gained lots of strength recently. I can stand; I can even take a few steps. My life as a person who can move has begun again. The problem is that I am tired, tired all of the time. I keep thinking that I need to write something positive on this blog. I keep thinking that people will stop reading because I am so negative, so depressed. But I am what I am. I…
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I am tired

I am tired, so very, very tired. It’s sad, really, because I spend many hours every day fighting the tendency toward sleep. Like my grandparents I lean forward then pop my head back up. I cannot control my eyes closing, my body leaning forward, resting, unwilling to stay upright. I am so very tired. Even at this moment when I have slept all night, my eyes want to close. What is this all about? Is…
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My Very Own Swarm of Microquakes

Deb and I have a habit of watching the evening news. It’s a way for us to reconnect after long days spent in separate spaces and realms. Recently, the story that captured my imagination was one focused on the town of Clintonville, WI. Seems the residents of that small town were awakened several nights in a row by what they described as loud “booms,” some of which shook their houses and all of which made…
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I lose my passwords every day

As a matter of fact, I lose them several times a day. I am the only person I know who loses her passwords as much as I do. It’s sad, really, that I can’t get into the discussion boards I value so much. Right now, I can’t get into the place where I have so many friends, people I love, people who love me, people I need, people who need me. I can’t access my…
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I Remember

I have forgotten my password. This happens all the time; I lose my passwords every day. As a matter of fact, I lose them several times a day. I am the only person I know who loses her passwords as much as I do. It’s sad, really, that I can’t get into the discussion boards I value so much. Right now, I can’t get into the place where I have so many friends, people I…
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Leaving this House

Today’s weather in Cincinnati is just the kind I would order every day. It’s cloudy; it’s rainy; it’s spring. Something about the melancholy mixed with new life brings me happiness because my kind of happiness is tinged with sadness. At this point in my life I am familiar with sadness. Sadness is my sister; sadness is my lover. Sadness walks beside me; sadness walks in front of me; sadness walks behind me. I have learned…
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Today’s Weather

Today’s weather in Cincinnati is just the kind I would order every day. It’s cloudy; it’s rainy; it’s spring. Something about the melancholy mixed with new life brings me happiness because my kind of happiness is tinged with sadness. At this point in my life I am familiar with sadness. Sadness is my sister; sadness is my lover. Sadness walks beside me; sadness walks in front of me; sadness walks behind me. I have learned…
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